Wednesday, April 27, 2011

11 weeks :)

Slightly more than two inches long now and weighing about a third of an ounce (approximately the size of a fig), your fetus is growing by leaps and bounds when you are 11 weeks pregnant. And so is his or her head, which is equal in length to the rest of the body (don't worry — all fetuses are top-heavy).  
On the crown of that large head (and over the rest of the body), hair follicles are forming. Fingernail and toenail beds begin to develop this week and by next week, the nails themselves will start to grow (so don't forget to add a baby nail clipper to your to-buy list). 
Your baby's body is straightening and his or her torso is lengthening (sounds like a yoga pose, doesn't it?). Other poses your baby can assume now: stretches, somersaults, and forward rolls. And while you can't tell this baby's gender by its cover yet, testes are developing if it's a boy and ovaries if it's a girl.

Size of baby: depending on what site I look at, between 1.5-2" long... roughly fig sized.

Total Weight Gain/Loss: lost two and a half pounds this last month, so -12.5 total (which my dr said is fine with my weight and to be expected with going on thyroid medication)

Maternity Clothes: none... just rockin' my regular clothes.

Gender: Too early to tell :)

Movement: None yet, of course.

Sleep: I'm still tired all of the time, but when I do sleep it seems to be less interrupted which is helpful.

What I miss: not being nauseated!

What I'm Looking forward to: The 2nd trimester. 

Cravings: still cottage cheese and apple sauce.

Symptoms: Fatigue, morning sickness, ligament pain, headaches.

Best Moment of this last Week:  A great check up with the dr and hearing that my blood pressure was good!  I always worry about that since I had issues with my pregnancy with Roslyn.

Nothing really new to report.  Feeling better this last week thankfully.  I am still struggling with morning sickness etc, but its not quite as severe, luckily.  I'm hanging in there and looking forward to reaching the 2nd trimester.  Coming SOON.  YAY!

Sunday, April 24, 2011

What is enough?

This topic has been on my heart and in my mind for the last couple of years.  The idea of enough.  What is enough?  What is too much?  What is worth it to do in order to obtain enough?  What do you do when you don't have enough?  Can you have enough?  Do we all have enough of at least what we truly need and just not know it?  Should we have more than enough, just in case?

I live in a small house and honestly, from day one of living here, 700 square feet has never felt like enough space.  So after a few years of complaining, pouting and generally acting like a child about it while I crammed things in piles or bought the latest organizational system to hopefully cure my woes, I began to change my habits.  Before, I was one to save every note, every memento of my life and every item I had ever bought, found or been given.  Before, I'd take something I didn't need or have space for just because it was free and I might need it someday.  After a while, I couldn't breathe.  I couldn't function or stand to be in my own home.  There was just TOO MUCH.  So I became somewhat of an anti-hoarder.  I purged, purged and purged again my closets, my drawers... everything.  And I began to feel like I could breathe again and that my space was finally truly worth something to me.

Don't get me wrong... my space woes and tendency towards feeling cluttered hasn't gone away and in many ways, I am still a collector.  We are three fully functioning people living in a small space.  We deal with clothing, furniture, hobbies, toys and more on a daily basis.  Some days it gets cluttered.  Some days I feel like if I have to find one more spot to put something, I might go a bit crazy.  And when I am feeling particularly self pitying, I am too wishful for more, more, more and not grateful of what I have.

Tonight, I finally got around to watching an episode of Oprah that I DVRd with the director Tom Shadyac (Ace Ventura, The Nutty Professor, Liar Liar & Bruce Almighty).  Tom Shadyac is a multi-million dollar earning, successful director who could for all intensive purposes, have whatever he wants.  And for a while, he did that.  Bought the multi-million dollar mansion, etc.  But, as he said, "I was standing in the house that my culture had taught me was a measure of the good life.  I was struck with one very clear, very strange feeling: I was no happier."  After suffering a horrible accident and recovery from it, he began to film his new documentary I am"Facing my own death brought an instant sense of clarity and purpose," he says in his film. "If I was, indeed, going to die, I asked myself: What did I want to say before I went? It became very simple and very clear. I wanted to tell people what I had come to know. And what I had come to know was that the world I was living in was a lie."

While going through his journey, he made huge changes to his life.  He said on Oprah, "[We have] a very extrinsic model of success.  You have to have a certain job status, a certain amount of wealth. ... I think true success is intrinsic. ... It's love. It's kindness. It's community."  He moved out of the mansion and into a mobile home, bikes to get where he needs to go rather than drive when possible and flies just like you or I would instead of chartering his own jets.  Basically, he found what was of value to him, what he needed and met himself at his needs.  Nothing more and nothing less.

One thing in particular that he said on Oprah struck a true chord in me.  In I Am, Tom says, "There's one fundamental law that all of nature obeys that mankind breaks every day. Now, this is a law that's evolved over billions of years, and the law is this: Nothing in nature takes more than it needs."  He goes on to say "We have a term for something in the body when it takes more than its share.  We call it cancer."

I know that I don't want to be a part of that cancer.

I haven't mentioned this before, but we will be having the opportunity to move at the beginning of the summer and we are starting to figure out what we need, what we want and what we don't want in this big change in our lives.  With the addition of a new little one, we can no longer put it off.  

But with this amazing and exciting and necessary change and new adventure, comes the possibility in biting off more than we can chew.  Taking more than we need simply because its different than what we've had... and I don't want to do that.  I want to be mindful of our needs and meet them.  Nothing more and nothing less.  I want to truly use, find beauty and true, authentic joy in what we have rather than having more for the sake of more.  Because at the end of the day, I have always found more fulfillment, peace and authenticity in the simpleness of life.  The moments rather than the material goods and the feelings that I have and share with my family and friends.  Life is enough.  Love is enough.  Family is enough.  Friends are enough.  Moments and adventures are enough.  At the end of the day, I think if you have those things and the basic necessities of life (food, water, clothing, shelter) then you have what you truly need.  And I don't want to lose sight of that.

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

10 weeks :)

Week 10 of Pregnancy:  Baby's Bones Develop
Your baby's nearly an inch and a half long and the size of a prune, but not nearly as shriveled. In fact, your baby is really taking a human shape now. Though your baby's arms are developing, each one is only about the size of this number 1 
Your baby's growth is fast and furious when you are 10 weeks pregnant. He or she is nearly an inch and a half long and the size of a prune, but not nearly as shriveled (even with all the time it spends in water). In fact, your baby is really taking a human shape now. Bones and cartilage are forming, and small indentations on the legs are developing into knees and ankles. The arms (complete with elbows) can flex already, but don't run to the store for a baseball bat just yet. Though your baby's arms are taking shape and getting stronger, each one is only about the size of this number 1.   The tooth bud fairy is making her appearance this week, heralding the arrival of your baby's little choppers, which are forming under the gums. (Those pearly whites won't break through the gums until your baby is close to six months old). Other systems are go, too. Your baby's stomach is producing digestive juices, the kidneys are producing larger quantities of urine, and, if your baby's a boy, he's already producing testosterone (yikes!).
Size of baby: our little prune :).

Total Weight Gain/Loss: still at the 10lbs less than before I got pregnant.

Maternity Clothes: none... just rockin' my regular clothes.

Gender: Too early to tell :)

Movement: None yet, of course.

Sleep: I'm still tired all of the time, but when I do sleep it seems to be less interrupted which is helpful.

What I miss: being functional in the morning!

What I'm Looking forward to: The 2nd trimester. 

Cravings: Cottage cheese and apple sauce.

Symptoms: Fatigue, morning sickness, ligament pain.

Best Moment of this last Week:  Celebrating and dancing for the beautiful life of my beautiful friend... hearing her congratulate us on our growing family.  I've missed seeing her.

Yay for getting into the double digits for my week count this week! :)

Thankfully this week was better than last week.  I'm still dealing with all of the same issues, but my attitude has improved.  I think the celebration of a beautiful life of a wonderful friend helped me get out of my rut and find some more joy instead of wallowing.  It's amazing what some good music, good dancing, friends and an amazing community can do for your mood.

I've got my next doctor appointment on Monday, looking forward to hopefully getting to hear the heartbeat and talk about everything going on with my doctor in person.

Sunday, April 17, 2011

Tonight I celebrated my friend.

Tonight I saw an entire community of people come together to celebrate and fund-raise for the amazing life and spirit of our dear friend, Ganai Silverwolfe.

Tonight, I saw first hand the power of friendship, the healing power of music and the contagious and enlightening spirit of positivity no matter what the circumstances of life that may bring you together.

I think I could probably begin to tell you what Ganai means to the community... but I can truly only speak for myself at the end of this night.

Ganai, without probably ever knowing it, has been one of the most important mentors of my life.  She, simply by living her life, helped to inspire and give me the courage, the open heart and the dancing feet to be truly myself.  She's been a soul-friend, a mentor and so much more to me. She inspires me with her grace, her spirit, her joy, her generosity, her open and loving heart and so much more. I am forever grateful and blessed to know her and call her my friend and I am so grateful that I had the opportunity to celebrate her tonight along with the community that she has helped create and hold together with every part of who she is.

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

9 Weeks!

Week 9 of Pregnancy 
Good-bye embryo, hello fetus. Your baby is now about one inch long, the size of a medium green olive (hold the martinis, please), with a heart that's developed enough — and large enough — to be heard with a Doppler.
Sunrise, sunset: Would you believe your baby is having his or her first graduation already? Yes, it's true: At 9 weeks pregnant, your scholar-to-be has ended his or her embryonic stage and is entering the fetal period now (good-bye embryo, hello fetus). Your fetus is now about one inch long, the size of a medium green olive (but no martinis, please). 
The head has straightened out and is more fully developed, the ears are much more prominent, and some new organs (the liver, spleen, and gallbladder) are forming. Your fetus is also making spontaneous movements of his or her arms and legs now that minuscule muscles are beginning to develop, though you won't feel your tiny dancer for at least another two months.
While it's way too early to feel anything, it's not too early to hear something (possibly). Your baby's heart is developed enough — and grown large enough — so that its beats can be heard with a Doppler, a handheld ultrasound device that amplifies the lub-dub sound the heart makes. But don't worry if your practitioner can't pick up the sound of your baby's heartbeat yet. It just means your shy guy or gal is hiding in the corner of your uterus, or has his or her back facing out, making it hard for the Doppler to find its target. In a few weeks (or at your next visit) the miraculous sound of your baby's heartbeat is certain to be audible for your listening pleasure.
Size of baby: about an inch long, green olive sized.

Total Weight Gain/Loss: still at the 10lbs less than before I got pregnant.

Maternity Clothes: none... just rockin' my regular clothes.

Gender: Too early to tell :)

Movement: None yet, of course.

Sleep: No matter how much I get, its never enough. SO tired.  ALL THE TIME.

What I miss: feeling normal. :( Been a tough couple of weeks.

What I'm Looking forward to: hopefully feeling better at some point. The 2nd trimester. 

Cravings: Nothing at all sounds good.  Wish I were craving anything at this point.

Symptoms: Fatigue, all day sickness, ligament pain and headaches.

Best Moment of this last Week:  The ultrasound and seeing and hearing the heartbeat of the baby.

Honestly, this last week has been hard.  Really hard.  Took forever to get over being sick with a cold and then dealing with the increasing morning/all day sickness and utter exhaustion.  It's kind of hard to not feel completely down and defeated by the yucky parts at times, but I'm trying.  I tell myself that symptoms are good.  I would probably be worried if I felt completely normal.  I think this was all compounded by finding out that I am not as far along as I thought I was, so I feel pushed back in the race towards the finish line and further from hopefully feeling better in my second trimester. 

I am also having to go on medication for hypothyroidism.  While I know that its best to treat the things that are wrong and to do so swiftly... I hate that I have to take a medicine at all while I am pregnant.  All you have to do is watch TV for an hour and you will see some new class action suit about "did you take a certain medicine while pregnant and have a baby who was born with some awful, sad and scary condition?" It's just scary.  At one point, it was thought okay to take certain medicines that we know now aren't okay while pregnant and I worry about what will be discovered a year or a couple of years from now about what I took.  I'm going to trust my doctor and take the medicine and hope that I feel better.  Untreated thyroid issues in pregnancy can lead to mental retardation and more, so the risk is there either way. I just don't like it.

I've also been a bit concerned by the fact that I learned that I have some small cysts on my right ovary.  The technician at the ultrasound wasn't worried, but I just don't like that they are there.  I don't know if there are any on the left because she couldn't get a good shot of that ovary.  I keep telling myself that if it is a problem, the dr will call for me to come in.  If I don't get a call, I will still be asking about it at my next appointment at the end of this month.  The positive of it all though, is that we got to have our ultrasound and see that beautiful little heart beating away.  That makes it all worth it. 

Friday, April 8, 2011

Ultrasound! :)

We had our first look at our growing baby yesterday via our first ultrasound.  I got to have one for dating purposes and my due date did change a little, about 5 days less along that we had thought.  So our new due date is now November 16th, 2011.

The best part was seeing our little baby's heart already beating away, healthy and strong, at 167 beats per minute.

Drew and I are very, very excited and feel so lucky to have gotten to have an early peek at our little one. :)

My next weekly update won't be this weekend like I have been posting, but early next week since my due date was adjusted.  I hope you all have a wonderful weekend!  Stay safe (and warm if you're expecting snow like we are!) and have a lot of fun.

Saturday, April 2, 2011

8 weeks!

Week 8 of Pregnancy: Looking Like a Baby 
At a length of about half an inch right now, your baby has graduated from blueberry-sized to raspberry-sized. Baby is growing in your womb about a millimeter each day, and is looking a lot less reptilian and more baby-like, as lips, nose and eyelids take shape. 
How's your baby measuring up this week? At a length of about half an inch right now, your baby has graduated from blueberry-sized to raspberry-sized. But weekly growth is getting a bit hard to estimate, and here's why: Growth occurs at about the rate of one millimeter each day, but that growth isn't necessarily just in height.  Spurts can occur in the arms, legs, back, and other parts of your baby's body. So, big changes will be occurring every which way in the coming months. 
What else is changing at 8 weeks pregnant? A close-up view of your little embryo (say cheese!) would reveal a more baby-like appearance (and thankfully, a less reptilian one). You'd see an upper lip forming, the protruding tip of that cute button nose, and tiny (and very thin) eyelids. And check out those hands and feet! Your baby's webbed fingers and toes are differentiating now, so give your baby a round of applause. 
All this growing is exciting for your baby too. How do you know? His or her heart is beating at the incredible rate of 150 times per minute. (That's twice as fast as your heart beats.) Your baby's digs are growing, too. Amniotic fluid increases at a rate of about two tablespoons per week to accommodate your womb's growing tenant. 

Size of baby: still about 1/2 and inch in length, although more similar to the size of a raspberry at this point!

Total Weight Gain/Loss: at my doctor appt I learned that I am actually ten pounds lighter than I was before I got pregnant, so yea!

Maternity Clothes: none... just rockin' my regular clothes.

Gender: Too early to tell :)

Movement: None yet, of course.

Sleep: Pretty much all I want to do!  Ive been sleeping alot more than usual, but I wake up often so I never really feel totally rested.

What I miss: Being able to take stuff like ibuprofin if I have a headache or other medicines if I need them. Feeling awake and refreshed.  Ability to focus.

What I'm Looking Forward to: the second trimester when the yucky stuff like extreme fatigue and morning sickness subsides.

Cravings: Chocolate Nesquick, Grilled Cheese with Tomatoes.

Symptoms: Fatigue, all day sickness, ligament pain and headaches.

Best Moment this Week:  Going to our first appointment and scheduling our ultrasound! :)

This week has been a bit rough, caught a cold and its just hard to be anything but perfectly healthy when you are pregnant.  Luckily that is subsiding now and the only less than good feelings are just symptoms of the pregnancy and however miserable they make me feel, it just means that yes, I am pregnant and things are turning out how they should be.  Symptoms are a good thing!