I'll be honest... I wasn't looking forward to the whole New Year thing this year. I'm not sure if I just wanted some more time with 2011 or if I was honestly afraid or nervous about what 2012 held for me... but I had anxiety leading up to it the whole time.
Usually I am one of those people who see it for everything that it is- a new year, fresh start, a jumping off point for whatever you want, hope or dream of and a time to dream big and plan on how to make every single one of those wishes come true.
from Joseph Arthur's song "In The Sun"-
sums up my state of mind leading up to 2012
But for the longest time, I couldn't even begin to think of what was coming. Because I have been wrapped up in the whir, the busy-ness and craziness of NOW.
Lately my life is a series of hurrying up to slow down. Running to get a bottle or change a diaper or check on sweet Vivi to come to a quiet stillness of meeting those needs. And a lot of time to sit and think comes after the rush in the stillness of these most important tasks. I don't always do well with the sitting and the thinking. The sitting and the thinking often lead me down roads of worry to the city of anxiety and it can be overwhelming to me to the point where I just have to stop. Stop thinking, stop listing, stop tasking and planning my life with that overwhelming thought of "when will I get this done?"
And then, like a ray of light, I received an email from my friend Kristin. For the last several years (at least five, probably much more) we've always shared an excitement and goal-oriented outlook on New Years and shared our goals/plans/hopes/dreams/resolutions with each other and we vow to help each other throughout the year achieve them. We encourage support and even let the other rage-quit a goal if need be. It's a fun tradition and one that has truly helped me to be able to focus enough to even make goals some years, this year especially. When I got her email, it finally gave me some excitement and the motivation that I needed so badly to stop for a minute and DREAM and PLAN. Not just THINK and WORRY.
And what I came up with inspired me, encouraged me and helped to give focus to my outlook and help ease the anxiety and worry that I had been feeling. I emailed them off to Kristin and was immediately showered with love, support and encouragement for my plans, goals, dreams and resolutions. There are a lot things out there in blog land about how to do your New Years resolutions, ranging from Ali Edwards' 'One Little Word' to making phrase or a mantra for the year, to the ol' tried and true list of resolutions. I did it all because all of them are a great idea. So, for 2012~
my one little word- be.
my phrases for the year/mantra- be active. be real. be present.
my more specific list of the things I shall do-
- enroll @ Yavapai College for the Fall 2012 semester, starting my associate degree in Social Work
- take my vitamins daily.
- move more.
- rejoin the Y.
- drink water.
- get tattooed (Roslyn's silhouette and the tops of my feet at least).
- blog regularly (4-5 times a week at least)
- date my hubby (cause he's awesome and really really ridiculously good looking). <3
- save $ regularly.
- set & live true to boundaries (with Drew, MIL, etc).
- take lots of pics of my girls (specifically Vivi's monthly pics w/the month stickers).
- see my friends weekly.
- get an eye exam and glasses.
- keep up on my thyroid meds/checkups.
- get ready for my day everyday (hair, makeup, etc).
- maintain hair cut & color and my nails.
- scrap/craft/create weekly.
- finish Vivi's room.
- finish our room.
- put together Roslyn's big bed.
- visit my friends down in the valley (Alex, Audrey, Marina, Teresa).
- go to a concert.
- have mama/Roslyn days.
- don't wish time away or to be faster.
- relish every moment with Vivi as a baby. every tear, every cry, every bit of spit, every dirty diaper, every smile, every coo, every squeal, every cuddle. CHERISH and RELISH it all, IN THE MOMENT. BE THERE.
So, here's to a great year of adventures, fun, growth, love, fun, family, trial and error, failures, resolve, trying again, being real, being active, being healthy, being present and so much more. May it bring you your every wish come true and lessons learned gently.