Saturday, August 25, 2012

making it work...

I saw this on the ever addictive internet crack that is pinterest the other night and was struck silent and motionless by the truth that it holds for my life.  

So often in my life, I feel like I spinning counterclockwise in  this adventure of life with Drew.  I love him like crazy.  He's my world.  My best friend.  My soul mate.  My love.  My rock.  My soft spot to land.  My safety.  My warm embrace.  My adventure.  Simply, my everything.  Because with him, my life has turned into EVERY SINGLE THING that I ever thought it could be.  Our song even contains the lyrics:

"ain't no me, without you."
baby us the day we got married 1-22-99

It's our truth and what we endeaver to live every single day.  

But it's not always easy.  

I've been told we make it look easy.  
Adventuring in CA July 2012

And I've been told "I could never deal with that!"  

You see, I'm married to a man of excellence, determination, integrity and drive in every little thing that he does.  Whatever he sets his mind to do, he does and he does it well.  With his entire heart and soul. He is a devoted, loving and true husband.  He is a devoted, doting, loving and strong father to his little girls.  And he is a talented, driven, professional and humble musician.  And he is in DEMAND.  By sometimes it seems like every single person or place on the planet.  He's gone a lot.  And I get tired of that honestly.  I get burnt out.  I get over worked and sometimes it feels overlooked due to the nature of his life and the sacrifice that that entails.  Oftentimes, I do without him, so that others can have him.  And sometimes that gets old.  

We recently came off of a stretch of time like that.  He had gigs and rehearsals for 6 days straight in addition to the 60+ students that he teaches a week.  I rarely saw him, let alone had quality time or even an uninterrupted conversation with him.  I was cranky.  I was sad and yes, I was even angry.  I ranted to a few of my great friends (thank you again Shannon and Sera!) and I just endured it.  I missed him.  I longed for him to be home.
Drew doing his thing with the Cheektones 2012

So how do we get through those times when people can't seem to see how one could?  

We are grateful that we have the other person to miss.  We're grateful that the others absence in our life is noticeable.  And we don't take one single second of time together for granted.  We encourage each others needs and passions in life and we try to help each other in any and every way that we can.  I stay at home with the girls so he can go play music.  He works hard to pay for my education and tells me every single day that he is proud of me.  He is silly with me.  If something is important to me, it's important to him too.  We make even a simple outing an adventure together.  We ask each other questions and genuinely want to know the others answers.  We talk about future, our present and our past.  We are the very best of friends.  He is my one true very best friend in this entire world.  He makes me a better person.  He taught me how to love, he taught me how to need, and he taught me what it feels like to be truly happy.  He's my everything.
with my very best friend. August 2012.

I'm grateful that I get to miss him and that when those times that I do really miss him.  I'm grateful that when it comes down to it, all i want is to rest my head on his chest and have him hold me.  I'm grateful that we found each other and we have this life together.  I'm grateful that he exists.  Because there ain't no me without him.

Thursday, August 16, 2012

I always wanted you.

My dear sweet Vivi,

You're 9 months old.  NINE.  MONTHS.  OLD.  You've officially been here and in our arms as long as I had the privilege and honor of carrying you inside me.
Tonight, while sitting on the couch, you snug in my arms, listening to music and the rain falling with our front door open I looked at you and wanted to cry.  And my heart sang out to me the words that I hadn't conciosuly thought in all this time but always knew to be true...

I always wanted you.
I always wanted you.  Exactly who you are.  Those beautiful blue eyes that curve just like mine.  That little nose that fits so perfectly between those adorable cheeks of yours.  Those perfect rose bud lips that smile so brilliantly and sweetly.  That curve between your neck and shoulder that I can't help but want to kiss on every moment of every day.  Those little hands that always find their way onto my cheek or in my hair or around one of my fingers.  That belly that is always just waiting to be rubbed and those chubby little legs that kick with happiness and sheer joy whenever you see your mama or daddy coming your way.

You're everything that I always wanted and so very much more than I could have ever imagined that I could deserve.  You are the sweet baby girl of each and every one of my dreams.  The perfect puzzle piece to complete this family puzzle of ours.  The perfect baby sister and friend.  You are a perfect dream come true. 
Thank you for waiting for us and for joining our family.  Thank you for blessing our lives.  Thank you for wanting us too.  For your whole life I want you to know this.  I always wanted you.  And I am so grateful and joyous to have you in my arms.

I love you my dear sweet Vivi-kins.

Tuesday, August 14, 2012

Vivi has TOOFERS!

After 9 months, and the last 4 in particular, of constant teething, Vivi's bottom front two teeth have broken through!

It's kind of sad- those gummy grins have been simply the cutest! But surprisingly I don't feel like crying like I thought that I would. I simply have a new favorite smile- the Vivi toofer smile! It's so very cute and I am so happy that she might have at least a moments relief from working on those two teeth so hard.

My sweet Vivi is growing so fast and I am loving and relishing in each and every moment!


Time: 12:35am
Location: sitting on the couch in the living room.
Watching: Greys Anatomy Season 6
Eating: nada
Drinking: iced tea
Feeling: reflective, fidgity, like something needs to happen
Thinking: about how I have been wanting to write again but when I sit down to do it, a part of me is scared of what might come out.
Wanting: a break... life has been very chaotic and I have been living like a single mom lately.  Mad props to all the real single mamas out there.
Needing: motivation and inspiration. A break.  Peace.
Making: a framed chalkboard with song lyrics to hang over our bed.
Loving: the thought of creating, scrapbooking, etc and wishing I had the time to do it.
Reading: The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks
Thinking About: the to-dos of the week
Anticipating: Vivi waking up soon- she's sleeping restlessly.  Secretly I don't mind at all- more snuggle time with just my sweet baby.
Wishing: that things change soon.
Making me happy: feeling like maybe, just maybe... I helped someone feel better today.